So life as a mom is getting crazy. I am officially in my last week of work completing a maternity leave. I think being a mom makes me get more attached to these kids. I feel bad having to leave - I have enjoyed my time here so much but I am so thankful for this opportunity because it has completely opened my eyes again - my passion for teaching is still here. I just pray everyday that something good will come of this and that I will be living my dream as a teacher in the near future. I am working hard to make this happen.
Dougie and Bailee are doing well. We are back to our same ole routine of home all day with daddy, at one of the grandma's at night and then bedtime with mommy. Yesterday I went over 12 hours without seeing my kids! Am I crazy or is there a good reason I am doing this? I constantly have to remind myself everyday that being busy in our life right now is good thing. When we go to the Bullpen and see the schedule completely full - it's a good thing. Family is everything to us and this is for them.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my OB. She is a wonderful doctor who delivered both of my kids. She is sweet, yet real. She tells it like it is. With both of my pregnancies I was a work-aholic. At one time with Bailee, I was working three jobs! Teaching at school, coaching high school softball team, and doing pitching lessons. She used to think I was absolutely nuts! Then while pregnant with Dougie, I did the same thing - teaching, coaching, instructing. She would always tell me to get rid of one thing - BUT I COULDN'T. While in her office yesterday, she asked how I was doing and if I was still working a million jobs - I said yes. Teaching (only 8 weeks mind you) and doing lessons/clinics and being a mom. I responded with, "I know you think we live a crazy life." And she said, "You said it, not me." We laughed but then it made me think...."Do people really think we are crazy?"
Driving to job #2 after my appointment, I got to thinking about what she said and maybe what others perseave our life to be like.
Job #1 - Being a wife
Job#2 - Being a mother
Job#3 - Teaching at school
Job#4 - Teaching pitching
Job #5 - Running camps/clinics
The list goes one - but I do see one thing in common - THIS IS NOT WORK TO US and IT NEVER HAS BEEN!
I don't consider us crazy or weird - I look at Doug, Bailee, Dougie and I as LUCKY. We have a job that allows one of us to be home with the kids all day - no day care.....2, we have great families on both side who are extremely supportive with watching our children and 3....we are doing something we absolutely love...baseball and softball. Not once do we ever wake up and say, "Man I really don't want to go to work today." We LOVE it! It's one of the few things we KNOW we are really good at. Yes, we do a lot of running around from one house to the next, picking up kids, not having dinner as a family, always on the go - but that's all we know and that's all our kids know. It's great and I love it. I am so thankful that I am able to keep softball in my life and have a business because of it. So, next time I hear someone say that we live a crazy life, I will say, "yes, we do live a crazy life - but it's an awesome crazy life that I would not change for anything in the world."
Now - every now and again, the guilt of not being with my kids gets to me - it hits me hard. But I firmly believe that our life will be better because of mommy and daddy's hard work and time devoted to building our business.
I used to really let things bother me, but not so much anymore. Dougie was a blessing in our life. He put everything into perspective - and I am reminded of this every time I look at the little guy.
I watch Grey's Anatomy every night with Bailee when we go to bed - it's our thing (it's also the reason Bailee tries to french kiss everyone but, again..it's our thing) Anyways, last night I heard the best idea and reasoning behind trauma. We can always learn something about life everyday and this hit home with me - especially having gone through what we did with Dougie. So, I will leave you with this quote from Season 5 Grey's Anatomy by Alex Karev:
"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. "
