To sleep, or not to sleep

Could sleep finally be in the near future for the Bedinger family? I think...maybe!

Yesterday was Dougie's appointment with an ENT doctor - that's Ears, Nose and Throat for those of you who did not know at first.  We arrived at his appointment on time and my mother met us there. Doug had to be at work at the Bullpen at 4 so he was unable to come.

Dougie was his typical happy self in the waiting room. He was even smiling at this other couple who did not seem to be the least fazed by his crazy or humorous actions. Oh well. We finally got called back and unfortunately waited another 30 minutes or so. Now for those of you who have a one year old, being stuck in a tiny room where your child cannot crawl around is quite difficult. Dougie kept pushing off of me like he was going to go on the floor and start running like Forest Gump. I think he just felt like "
running" - oh wait Dougie, you can't walk yet. Sorry buddy.

Finally the doctor came in and sat with my mom and I and got to know Dougie a little bit. He had this look to him like he was smart. I told Doug he would of really liked him. He gave you that reassuring, "my shit don't stink" feeling. I knew this was the right guy to be seeing.

After a short, but lengthy (thanks mom) synopsis of Dougie, we got down to business. He looked in Dougie's ears, nose and throat...haha ENT!  He then asked if I would be okay if he stuck a tube down Dougie's nose to take a look at his throat. I was so game! I thought you would never ask!

I was so ready to solve this sleep mystery! Do what you gotta do!

First, he sprayed some numbing spray up Dougie's nostrils. Then I had to strategically hold Dougie down on my lap. I wrapped my leg over Dougie's legs, and I wrapped my arms around his chest and arms - like giving him a big bear hug. My mom was in charge of holding his head. The Doctor finally stuck his magic scope down Dougie's nose and into his throat. You could hear him gagging and crying, but those 10 seconds were worth it!

Results:  After looking at his throat the doctor said his andoids were quite large. He said they were giving Dougie about a 50% obstruction in the back of the throat. They gotta go!!!

Next, he said that Dougie's tonsils were quite large as well. He said on a scale from 1-4 with 4 being the largest, he was at a 3.
The doctor was hesitant about taking both out at once. He said the recovery would be longer and harder for Dougie - especially because he might not eat, resulting in a longer hospital stay. I said there was no reason to do only one surgery and one later. We need sleep, let's take em both out....ASAP.

I almost felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Almost as if the clouds were opening up and the angels were singing a heavenly hymn. Were our sleepless nights soon to be gone? He said that his sleep should improve significantly! I love that word "significantly" - after our whole year of surgeries, poking and prodding...sygnificantly was now being used as a POSITIVE!  It was so refreshing.

We left there with an appointment for Monday Feb 21. They said he would be the first to go in the morning. I am so excited. It will feel like Christmas all over again! The countdown now begins to Feb 21....less than a month away.

I would write more today, but you see, we didn't get much sleep last night and this mama is hurting. Sometimes it really catches up with me. I feel like I have been rolling along nicely for a while, but this morning I felt like poop! Luckily I do to have to do lessons tonight and I can stay home with the kids after work ...maybe even make a dinner for my deserving husband for when he comes home.

It's also our 3rd year wedding anniversary tomorrow! Where has the time gone? i never would have imagined we would be where we are in only 3 years. It's pretty trippy to think about. Until next time.....

busy, busy, bees

Obviously it has been a while since I have had the opportunity to sit down a complete a blog. The only reason I avoid it is because I have very little time, our computer at home is slow, and I know if I write...I need a lot of time. I tend to get carried away with words and one little paragraph a day will bother me and keep me up all night.

Well...I know you are probably wondering why I am so busy now...like taking care of two kids isn't time consuming already.  I recently have starting working at  a nearby high school doing a maternity leave for special ed. It's weird because the new mother's leave was EXACTLY when mine was EXACTLY one year ago! How weird is that? Already, I knew it was meant to be.

So I have to say that I was having my freak out moments before the big day arrived. I have truly enjoyed being at home with the kids and playing the role of the whole "Stay at home mom" thing. So, when  my first day at work and being back in the classroom came, it was definitely bitter sweet.

For a while, I have felt like I have been on autopilot...waking up, changing diapers, making breakfast, working out, doing lessons and back at home. Now I definitely miss hanging out with the kids, but I don't miss changing extremely explosive poopy diapers from my son (you know the ones that go up his back and you have to lay a towel underneath? Oh and strategically take off the onesie without getting more poop on his body or head? Yeah...don't miss those for sure!) I don't miss the arguments with my 2 year old about life's mysteries or if she is allowed to watch Caillou or not. I also don't miss hanging out with my husband all day either. He is awesome, but there is something to not seeing your loved one all day that makes you happy to spend time with them at night. It also gives you less of chance to get into a stupid meaningless fight.

Since I have started working, I now feel like that VOID in my life is gone. I felt appreciated at home, but something was missing. My kids are great and I love them so much...but I also know that there are other kids who need me too. Being back in the classroom and working with high school students again made me realize what I should be doing....teaching. I'm not your typical teacher....gives notes, reads, takes tests, tells everyone to be quiet....I would consider myself as a teacher who listens. For some reason I have a passion for working with students with emotional/behavioral disorders. I often find myself to be the one that "defends the bad kid" or looks out for and protects the so called "troublemakers." It might be the fact that I am very competitive and I love challenges. Of course when it comes to my own kids, their behavior drives me crazy if they don't listen to me. But I can totally deal with students flipping desks, throwing books, swearing, fighting....I know, I am weirding myself out right now. I guess you could say I look at these kids differently. I don't look at the bad behavior and label them as bad, but I raise an eyebrow and say, "what could possibly be going on with this kid to make him do that?" And the next question I ask is, "How can I help."

I would definitely not describe myself as an academic. If I pulled up my transcripts from Lewis you would see a couple F's and C's. I am not proud but that is who I was and who I am. I am not perfect. I am not strong at math...actually math freaks me out! The only numbers I enjoy are the ones on my pay checks. But again, I am not an expert in subjects. I enjoy English and writing, but I don't know everything. I enjoy history and government, but I am not expert. But I am an expert at listening to these kids and trying to get a better understanding of where they come from and figure out why they do the things they do.

That is my real passion....learning from the kids. I do not have a mean bone in my body. I could never yell at a kid and tell him to do something, but I am not a push over either - although to the naked eye it would seem so. So at the end of the day, I am so happy to be back in the classroom. I feel like I have been much happier lately. Even though my day is busy from 6am to 9pm, it is so worth it.

The hardest part right now is working all day and not being with my kids until late at night. I work in school until 3, head home to pick up the kids, drop them off with my mom or DOug's mom, go to the Bullpen to do lessons until 7, pick up the kids (and Bailee by this time will sometimes be punishing me already) and finally head home and struggle to get them both clean, fed and ready for bed - only to wake up and do it all over again in the morning.

Now you can pretty much understand why I have not had the chance to write in a while. Today I was lucky enough to have some time. All I can say that I hope all of this hard work is worth it. I pray that I will find another job for next year - even more hoping to find a job  or school that is as much passionate about me as I am about teaching.



Oh yes...a little update on my little Dougie. We FINALLY got the results from his sleep study. My worst   fear was that it would show nothing wrong with him and this whole not sleeping thing would be a mystery forever...like DOugie's own city of Atlantis. But we did find out that he has obstructive sleep apnea and periodic limb movement disorder. After my professional google searching, he might have to have his adenoids removed as well as his tonsils. Supposedly the obstructive sleep causes the limb movement disorder (which is basically all his restlessness at night). Doug and I have been listening to Dougie breathe and we have noticed that he stops for a bit and it also sounds like he has a cold...not quite a snore, but almost like that of congestion. We see a ENT doctor on Monday to figure out what steps need to be taken. I am praying that our endless nights without sleep are close being over. I will update everyone as soon as I can on what we find out on Monday.

Sorry for not writing. My goal with this blog is to get 100 followers. Tell your friends! Tell everyone! Shout it from the rooftops! Actually don't do that because you can probably get arrested for that...they will put you in the looney bin. But I would appreciate all the support I can get. Writing is a passion of mine, so help a sista out!

Puking, Coughing and Fevers, Oh my!

So my kids have been sick for a couple of days. Of course – right before I start a maternity leave next week at the nearby high school – Perfect timing kids! I took them to the doctor again who is amazing. Actually he probably thinks my sisters and I are hypochondriacs or just plain nuts for the way we overreact to every little thing that happens to our children. You know we freak out about normal stuff, like if the color of their ear wax is too yellow, or not yellow enough or if one ear is higher than the other, you know..the norm. Although our anxiety and worry is most likely related to having a nurse for a mother. It’s great because I always feel safe when mom is just a phone call away to answer my many medical questions, but it also sucks because I had to dodge the needles when I was little. Mom- “I’m home and you know what time it is...time to go get your flu shots!”
So back to my kids. Bailee is on a ton of meds: antibiotics, decongestant, Tylenol, breathing treatments, creams, you name it, she’s on it. Dougie is also on antibiotic and takes other medications for congestion and reflux (from his surgeries). My worry always starts as soon as I hear a cough or sense any type of runny nose. With Dougie, I get even more scared because of his DiGeorge. It’s a genetic disorder and each child is very different from what specific problems they have. The most common with DiGeorge is a weak immune system. Now Dougie tested great with his immunologist – no immune deficiencies what so ever, yet I freak out every time this guy sneezes!!! I can’t help it. I also freak out with Bailee but for a different reason….she is the worst friggin patient in the world! She is 2 and half and stubborn as hell. She has quite the vocabulary , although lately her favorite word is,”NO” or “I do it myself”  Now don’t get me wrong, those of you who know her also know how incredibly sweet and polite she is, but if she doesn’t want to do something, don’t expect her to without some heavy bargaining. For example, to get her to take her medication, I threaten to take away Tumble Bee’s. If that does not work, I try her favorite show, Caillou…moving on to throwing away her Barbies , or saying the doctor will have to give her lots of shots…etc. I’ve tried the reward system, but she could care less because she knows mom will give into her eventually. Yep…I’m that mine. I let my two year old daughter beat me at just about everything. I can’t help it though, she is so darn cute. So needless to say, she is my biggest battle when the kids are sick.

So, last night was quite the eventful evening. No, no romantic nights cuddling with my husband while the kids sleep quietly in their beds, it was puking, crying, coughing, crying, cleaning, and so on.

It all started with Dougie. He has been having a hard time sleeping – I believe as a result from being in the hostpial for 65 days, we are waiting on sleep study results too – at about 11:30 he woke up screaming and arching his back. His eyes were closed like he wanted to sleep but was in pain. This literally went on for about 2 hours – no joke. I was amazed that Bailee did not wake up although she had quite the hefty dose of good ole Ibuprofen (if you know what I mean). So Doug and I took Dougie downstairs because we were getting at each other. He was actually trying to get away from me because I was crabby and not fun to be around with my negativity. So what did I do…followed him, but luckily I did. Not 20 seconds after being in the family room, Dougie puked all over Doug and onto the floor – Twice! And it wasn’t your cute little baby spit up, it was your almost 1 year old projectile vomit that smelled of his antibiotic we had just given him! Mom to the rescue!

I ran and got some towels and Doug undressed in the family room – so could have been hotter had he not been covered in spit up, but I’ll take it! We got everyone all cleaned up and headed back upstairs. Dougie seemed to have calmed down a bit and in runs Bailee! As soon as I felt her I knew she had a fever. A trip back downstairs to get the thermometer was not needed. Again, I bargained with my two year old, begging her to take her medicine. Somehow I think the Tumble Bee’s thing worked and she took it slowly. Next thing I knew, it was coming right back up! There goes the grape flavored Tylenol. Damnit!!!

I got her settled down enough and the four of us tried to get comfortable in our bed, but it was not working. Bailee and I headed back to her room on the blow up mattress in between her old crib and new toddler bed…yes three beds….she’s picky….and then I felt it!

I had my hand underneath her head as I laid it down on the pillow and….did you ever go to Halloween party when you were little and reach into a box of jello that was supposed to feel like someone’s brain? Okay, well the moment I laid my hand down on the pillow beneath her head, it was not a soft pillow…it was slimy and chunky and wet and smelly…so not jello. My little girl had already puked in her bed before she ran to ours!!! I laid her down on the floor while she cried her already flushed face to a deeper red and began the cleaning. Basically the cleaning is grabbing a blanket or the base of the puke and piling everything up in a ball and folding it together…making it a blanket ball of pukey things! Grosss!!!!

Finally at about 4:30am our house was quiet and everyone was asleep. Then I realized I had to be up in 2 hours to get ready for work. Fun Fun!!!

The day went on, the kids did their thing, took their meds, played and acted like they were feeling okay. My mom came over to watch the kids so we did not have to do our daily routine of packing up the kids and heading to town so we can work….like we do EVERY NIGHT!!! Thanks to my mom we came home to two great kids hanging out watching…you guessed it….Caillou. (Doug has Caillou DVRd on our TV – I think we have about 20 episodes- although grandma claimed she watched 40!)

So, I am sitting here now with both kids asleep, although I can hear Dougie crying. Nighttime is not a fun time for him. I pray that Bailee’s butt medicine or suppository stays in all night. Did you even know they make Tylenol suppositories? They are pretty cool for stubborn girls who wont take their meds! That guy who invented that must be making millions!!!

Good night all! I hope we all get some rest tonight!

Introduction

My name is Mary and I am a 29 year old wife and mother of 2 beautiful children. My daughter Bailee is 2 and half, and my son, Dougie, is just a week shy of his first birthday. Most of you have followed our family's journey shortly after our son was born. I kept an online journal on caring bridge of updates, trials and tribulations that our son and I endured. I will get to that in a second.
The reason I wanted to start a blog was for my own personal therapy. Sometimes as a mother you feel quite alone, especially when you feel like throwing toys through walls and screaming at the top of your lungs for your children to behave. We have all been there but rarely talk about it. I have a facebook account and I always read these happy go lucky and positive comments - almost like a "Leave It to Beaver" kind of world and it really bothers me. Why do moms not speak the truth? When asked how we are doing by a stranger or the store clerk as we are rushing to purchase medicine or diapers for our little ones, we answer, "I'm great" or "I'm fine." - when we really want to lay back and put our feet up on a couch and say, "I'm tired" or "The kids are driving me crazy" or "this mom gig sucks sometimes"....but no...we say FINE. I am about to change all that and speak the truth about what being a mom is all about - the joys, the sorrows, the hardship, the triumphs and crazy and hilarious things that happen every day - but are so worth it. 
I grew up as the youngest of four children with the second youngest being 7 years older than me. You can basically say that I was an only child. By the time my brother and two sisters were in college, my life was just starting to take off.
As in the title you can pretty much guess which sport was and still is my passion and a big part of my life...softball. Since the time I was 6 years old, once I picked up the ball, I was hooked. Instead of being the kid chewing gum and eating licorice at her brother's baseball games on the bleachers, I was the girl on the empty field next to my brother's game, with the long blonde ponytail, dirt on my face and taking on the boys, as if they were a challenge. My life since then has been a competition.
I grew up playing softball every summer from age 6 all the way through college. With numerous MVP's, summer tournament championships, High School State Championships and college All-American honors, my softball life was pretty much complete - except that everything I learned along the way still dictates how I live my life and made me the person I am today.

My parents were always in my journey as well. My mom trying to feed me bananas through the dugout fence (even when I was 18) or my dad and I heading out to pitching lessons every Sunday – we were a team. Softball and me was such important part of our (my parent’s and I) life that they even missed my sister’s college graduation so they could be with me at my softball tournament. That is dedication – or should I say, Obsession.

During college, I worked as a pitching instructor where I met my future husband, Doug. He was this hot guy who I stared at every day at work while he taught his young kids. I was in awe of him. Not just of him, but the way he treated and how he worked with his students. It was clear to see that he had the same “obsession” as I did. Softball/Baseball and teaching.  After many years of my persistent chasing of him, he finally gave in to my craziness and weird humor and married me. January 26, 2008

In June of 2008 we had our daughter BAilee. I know what you are thinking…”must have been a shot gun wedding” as the clerk and Bed Bath and Beyond said to me as a returned a shower gift - being pregnant and all – but that was not the case. We got engaged first and pregnant soon after.

When all was said and done, Bailee blessed us with her presence on June 25! She was amazing. A ball player from the start. I was even won my second state championship, but this time as a pitching coach that year too. We also coached a travel team. I would coach third with my body turned sideways in case a ball flew my way. I would even have parents sitting next to the fence down the third base line watching a foul ball roll past me and say, “How come you can’t get that coach?” My answer, “Umm, because I am 8 months pregnant! Do you think this is a beer belly or something?” Oh yes, my Bailee had already been through a lot before she was born. She even had her name in the paper before she was born – one of the reports for our local paper thought I went into labor shortly after the high school state championship and announced the next day that I delivered her. I laughed as I looked down at my incredibly bulging belly. “Not so much”

We will get back to Bailee a little later.

Not much longer after we had Bailee did I get pregnant again! I know fertile right? Just like my mom.

The pregnancy was so smooth – especially my hormones and the way I could bitch and complain about every ache and pain with such ease and grace. It’s almost like I wanted him to feel every little twinge and pull my body exerted – I guess you could call me a really good sharer. I thought it was only fair for my husband to go through everything that I did – so I let him have it on a daily basis. But really, it wasn’t my fault…hormones right? And let’s not forget about the pregnant absentmindedness – (he loves this one too) but unfortunately mine has not yet ceased. It must be some post-pardon absent mind thingy that lasts a year after you give birth!

Finally, this brings me to the delivery of my son. When we found out we were having a girl with BAilee I was so ecstatic! A softball player! But when Doug found out he was having a boy, he was beyond happiness! A boy to follow in his footsteps on the baseball field. Finally daddy would have the ultimate pitching student and prodigy. People always would say that if Doug and I were to ever have kids, he or she would be some incredible player! We had it all planned out in our heads. Hitting and pitching drills after school at the Bullpen, finish their homework there, wait for mom and dad to finish teaching and head home. BAilee would get a full ride to college for softball and Dougie would be a hot draft pick. This was it. We had our baseball family. Life couldn’t be better….

But life soon changed the day after Dougie was born.

Life had always come easy to us. We never struggled or experienced anything traumatic. I was your typical spoiled baby girl and Doug was a competent, “I can do it myself” man. We balanced each other out, but this was a balancing act we were not ready for.

Dougie was born on January 13, 2010. Everything was normal. This being our second time around, we knew we would have him stay in the nursery at night so we could get some rest. That next morning, the nurse had not brought Dougie to us. I didn’t worry. Soon the pediatrician on call came in and told us that they heard a slight murmur, which was typical with caesarean delivers, but everything was okay. Great! We were fine! I just wanted to see my little man. Not 30 minutes later, another doctor, one of whom we did not recognize came in with a concerned look on her face. She sat down next to us and pulled out a diagram of the heart. She began to explain that our son, the future all-star athlete, amazing pitching prodigy, had several heart defects and needed to be transported to Children’s Memorial Hospital right away. Our young and healthy hearts dropped. What just happened? The next thing I knew I was being sat up before your typical time after a c-section so I could be wheeled in the nursery to see my son. He layer there with wires attached to every orifice and I reached out and grabbed his little thumb – not knowing if this would be the last time I would ever see my son alive.

As Doug wheeled me away I put my head in my hands and cried, and choked and cried and cried. Why us? Why him? Why me? We didn’t deserve this? So many questions!!!

To make a long story short (which I shared on caring bridge) Dougie had two open heart surgeries by the time he was 12 days old. He was hospitalized for 65 days and was also diagnosed with DiGeorge syndrome. (www.22Q.org)

He is doing very well today, but as a mom now, he is one of my biggest concerns and worries on a daily basis. Of course, my crazy 2 and half year old too! Oh the stories I will be telling. Each day gets better and better with them!

Right now, Doug and I still do lessons every night at our baseball facility (http://www.bedingersbullpen.com/) , I am also a special education teacher (I took the year off to be with my son) and we are a happy unpredictable family. Routine is our game….just as it always was on and off the field.

One day at a time….One pitch at a time!

Welcome to my world as a mother, an athlete, a teacher, an instructor, a friend, a daughter and a sister.

I can promise you many laughs, but also many tears.

One pitch at a time.

If you would like to read or have not read my son's background story, here is his website: www.caringbridge.org/visit/douglasbedinger