Obviously it has been a while since I have had the opportunity to sit down a complete a blog. The only reason I avoid it is because I have very little time, our computer at home is slow, and I know if I write...I need a lot of time. I tend to get carried away with words and one little paragraph a day will bother me and keep me up all night.
Well...I know you are probably wondering why I am so busy now...like taking care of two kids isn't time consuming already. I recently have starting working at a nearby high school doing a maternity leave for special ed. It's weird because the new mother's leave was EXACTLY when mine was EXACTLY one year ago! How weird is that? Already, I knew it was meant to be.
So I have to say that I was having my freak out moments before the big day arrived. I have truly enjoyed being at home with the kids and playing the role of the whole "Stay at home mom" thing. So, when my first day at work and being back in the classroom came, it was definitely bitter sweet.
For a while, I have felt like I have been on autopilot...waking up, changing diapers, making breakfast, working out, doing lessons and back at home. Now I definitely miss hanging out with the kids, but I don't miss changing extremely explosive poopy diapers from my son (you know the ones that go up his back and you have to lay a towel underneath? Oh and strategically take off the onesie without getting more poop on his body or head? Yeah...don't miss those for sure!) I don't miss the arguments with my 2 year old about life's mysteries or if she is allowed to watch Caillou or not. I also don't miss hanging out with my husband all day either. He is awesome, but there is something to not seeing your loved one all day that makes you happy to spend time with them at night. It also gives you less of chance to get into a stupid meaningless fight.
Since I have started working, I now feel like that VOID in my life is gone. I felt appreciated at home, but something was missing. My kids are great and I love them so much...but I also know that there are other kids who need me too. Being back in the classroom and working with high school students again made me realize what I should be doing....teaching. I'm not your typical teacher....gives notes, reads, takes tests, tells everyone to be quiet....I would consider myself as a teacher who listens. For some reason I have a passion for working with students with emotional/behavioral disorders. I often find myself to be the one that "defends the bad kid" or looks out for and protects the so called "troublemakers." It might be the fact that I am very competitive and I love challenges. Of course when it comes to my own kids, their behavior drives me crazy if they don't listen to me. But I can totally deal with students flipping desks, throwing books, swearing, fighting....I know, I am weirding myself out right now. I guess you could say I look at these kids differently. I don't look at the bad behavior and label them as bad, but I raise an eyebrow and say, "what could possibly be going on with this kid to make him do that?" And the next question I ask is, "How can I help."
I would definitely not describe myself as an academic. If I pulled up my transcripts from Lewis you would see a couple F's and C's. I am not proud but that is who I was and who I am. I am not perfect. I am not strong at math...actually math freaks me out! The only numbers I enjoy are the ones on my pay checks. But again, I am not an expert in subjects. I enjoy English and writing, but I don't know everything. I enjoy history and government, but I am not expert. But I am an expert at listening to these kids and trying to get a better understanding of where they come from and figure out why they do the things they do.
That is my real passion....learning from the kids. I do not have a mean bone in my body. I could never yell at a kid and tell him to do something, but I am not a push over either - although to the naked eye it would seem so. So at the end of the day, I am so happy to be back in the classroom. I feel like I have been much happier lately. Even though my day is busy from 6am to 9pm, it is so worth it.
The hardest part right now is working all day and not being with my kids until late at night. I work in school until 3, head home to pick up the kids, drop them off with my mom or DOug's mom, go to the Bullpen to do lessons until 7, pick up the kids (and Bailee by this time will sometimes be punishing me already) and finally head home and struggle to get them both clean, fed and ready for bed - only to wake up and do it all over again in the morning.
Now you can pretty much understand why I have not had the chance to write in a while. Today I was lucky enough to have some time. All I can say that I hope all of this hard work is worth it. I pray that I will find another job for next year - even more hoping to find a job or school that is as much passionate about me as I am about teaching.
Oh yes...a little update on my little Dougie. We FINALLY got the results from his sleep study. My worst fear was that it would show nothing wrong with him and this whole not sleeping thing would be a mystery forever...like DOugie's own city of Atlantis. But we did find out that he has obstructive sleep apnea and periodic limb movement disorder. After my professional google searching, he might have to have his adenoids removed as well as his tonsils. Supposedly the obstructive sleep causes the limb movement disorder (which is basically all his restlessness at night). Doug and I have been listening to Dougie breathe and we have noticed that he stops for a bit and it also sounds like he has a cold...not quite a snore, but almost like that of congestion. We see a ENT doctor on Monday to figure out what steps need to be taken. I am praying that our endless nights without sleep are close being over. I will update everyone as soon as I can on what we find out on Monday.
Sorry for not writing. My goal with this blog is to get 100 followers. Tell your friends! Tell everyone! Shout it from the rooftops! Actually don't do that because you can probably get arrested for that...they will put you in the looney bin. But I would appreciate all the support I can get. Writing is a passion of mine, so help a sista out!
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