So yes, it has been quite a while since I have blogged. I feel like I say this every time. It just goes to show how incredibly busy we are. It's crazy. Lessons at the Bullpen are really starting to pick up - especially as we head to our last week before our high school kids have tryouts. First day of tryouts is like a holiday at our baseball facility. You will be surprised to know that one of our busiest days is the the day before tryouts. Our regular athletes or one time shows always come in for a refresher or pep talk before the big week. We love it too. We finally get to let the kids go and fly solo - at least for a while.
With the hours I am gone from home now and working at school - and being away from my kids, I'm not going to lie, sometimes I dread going to work. But then I think about our family and how much we need to support our children ; that keeps me going. And when I get there, I enter into this crazy pitching obsession that I have ALWAYS had. Sometimes I think my girls look at me like I'm this crazy lady who is crazy about pitching....well, I am. "Hello, my name is Mary, and I'm a pitch-aholic. I am constantly trying to make myself a better coach. Every year Doug and I intensely watch the Women's College Softball World Series. We analyze everything from hitting to pitching and fielding. We take mental notes on the strategies coaches use to what consistent things girls are doing with mechanics - especially pitching. Every year you will see ALL different kinds of pitchers and motions and even hairstyles! It's great. We stay up late talking about everything and dreaming of the day we head out to Bailee's first game.
Oh and Bailee! So I am at work one day and get a text from Doug saying, "we have Bieber Fever going on in the house" Now I have never been a Justin Bieber fan and I could not figure out why he was so popular...until I saw the grammy's. Bailee had watched a show prior in the day with Doug - it had music videos, including the song where he sings, "baby, baby, baby ohhhhhh" - which now happens to be Bailee's favorite song other than Lady Gaga's Bad Romance - or acutally her whole CD. So the Grammy's are on and we happen to start taping it right at Justin Bieber's perfornance...RECORD! We have now officially watched this episode more than 50 times in the matter of 4 days. It is crazy. Bailee will sing with the song, dance, clap, takes a bow at the end...everything! One night she even got her Karaoke machine out (A christmas present) and sang on the microphone with him - strobe light and all! It was FABULOUS! Coming home to her every night and seeing what she is going to do makes me so happy and love life. She also loves Lady GaGa - but now mommy said her CD is broken (we listened to the same songs on repeat for many many many car rides home) so I now introduced her to Madonna! She loves it. Even on our way the other night Bailee says, "mommy, Madonna sings really good. She's good mom." Oh yes, she is very very good and making millions of dollars. I have no idea what the future holds for my little Bailee, but she is going to be something big - I've had this feeling since she was born. (although doesnt every mom have that feeling?)
Dougie, my sweet Dougie. He is still not sleeping through the night. It is getting a little better though. He will sleep for about an hour or so soundly (next to us with either of our hands on his head) and then roll around and kick his legs for a good amount of time. The only thing that tends to calm him down is a bottle. I hate resorting to it, but it really is the only thing that will sooth him. He's not hungry, just uncomfortable.
Last week, we had his cardiology appointment. Luckily for me it got rescheduled for a Saturday I was able to make it. Again, the nerves were killing me. Long story short, it went really well. He gave the nurses a hard time and some evil stares, but all his results came back great. But the one thing that concerned out doctor was Dougie getting his tonsils and adenoids removed by someone who was not familiar with his history. She was worried about putting him under anesthia with his heart defects. She insisted we go through Children's. I felt sick to my stomach that I didn't make this decision myself. I have had a feeling in me for quite some time questioning my decision to seek treatment outside of Childern's. I was trying to believe and trust our pediatricians suggestions and referrals. For a long time, I have always been the cinic and second guesser - but when it comes to your child...especially your child who has had two heart surgeries and numerous problems, a second guess isn't a bad thing. Upon leaving our appointment, we had our Heart Doctor already email and call our pediatrician and an ENT through Children's. It was all set. All we had to do was wait for them to call us and make an appointment!
A couple days later it was scheduled. Dougie's appointment with his Children's ENT doctor was during the week and in the morning - meaning Mommy would have to sit this one out. I was devastated and very nervous. Luckily, my mother was able to meet the Dougs at the appointment. I was on pins and needles all day long waiting to see what was going to happen. I was still thinking surgery. I got a text from Doug and it read " No surgery - we almost f*cked up." What did this mean? Oh my gosh! I felt like I should have received the worst mother of the year award. I ended up finding out that the doctor was shocked that another ENT was going to take out tonsils and adenoids of a 12 month old. This could have resulted in major bleeding - let alone not knowing if his heart would be okay coming off the anestheia. We were also worried about his addiction to pain meds coming back. It took us quite a long time to get him weaned off his methadone when he left the hospital. My heart sank into my stomach. I felt a huge relief, but sick knowing that my son was probably in the wrong hands. Had we not had his cardiology appointment, we could still have his operation this coming Monday. I kept it together all day at work/schoool but the minute I left there, I cried. I immediately called one of my sisters - not so much to tell them about Dougie's doctor's appointment, but to just cry and let it out. I needed reassurance that I was not a bad mother. I needed the guilt to go away for a bit. I could have not lived with myself had something happend to my lilttle man.
Our new ENT at Children's decided to start at square one and get another sleep study. Yes, it was back at square - a phrase I had placed many time on my facebook status during Dougie's post-op recovery a year ago...but this was a GOOD square one. Just today, I made the appointment for his official sleep study to be done. Unfortunately, the will not do it at a closer site. We have to go to the city to have it done. Because of his heart conditions and other possible problems, they want him there. Fine by me. I actually prefer it! Now I have something to look forward to...being back at our first home for a little visit. I pray to God that we are on the right track to getting this fixed and helping my lil Dougie. He deserves a good nights rest -as we all do.
Just the other night on tv, I was reminded again on how I am able to get through things - The Shawshank Redemption was on. It's probably mine and Doug's favorite movie and one of my favorite books/movies to teach in class. Things always seem to pop out at me when I need them to. I used a quote from this movie on Dougie's t-shirts we made for his benefit and I needed to be reminded of this quote more than ever right now - again...."Fear can hold you prisoner, Hope can set you free."
Have Hope everyone! HOPE HOPE HOPE
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