I can't even begin to tell you how tired Doug and I are. Dougie's sleep this week has been getting progressively worse. He went from tossing and turning ALL night to a WIDE awake state that lasts about 4 hours. For example, Dougie went to bed last night at 9pm - this was after our American Idol had put him in a deep snooze (I think Steven Tyler scares him). He woke up at 10:30 where I transferred him to our bed at 10:30pm - Back to sleep he goes. Around 12:30 he began his show. It first began with his usual tossing and turning. 1:30 still up, 2:30 still up, 3:30 still up which also included a major explosive poop episode. This forced to me to actually get out of bed and work and go downstairs to throw the stinky thing out! I think I even made me poop exit more interesting saying, "mother f****er!" ( I am again, not the brightest person in the middle of the night). Finally the time hit 4am. Dougie was still wide awake and wanting to play. At one point he was laying sideways in between us and kicked Doug right in the nose. He was in PAIN! I think he thought Dougie broke it. He was even checking for blood. During this time, I laid in bed balling. You know when your son or daughter is soooooo tired, all they do it cry? Yes, this was me....all night long. My bubble of okay-ness had been officially broken. I bursted and couldn't help it. I was emotional yesterday too and all I wanted to do was cry - it took me walking into the side of my closet door and hitting my head, hard, to start the morning off crying.
Doug finally gave in knowing I had to be awake in 2 hours for work and took Dougie downstairs. I could hear the little night owl crawling all over the place - fast. He is scheduled for another sleep study next Wednesday March 2 in Chicago. I am praying to GOD that we figure out what the heck is wrong and start working on a plan to fix this. He literally only slept 4 hours last night and maybe a couple 1 hour naps during the day. That is not enough for a kid his age. Other than our lack of sleep, I am worried about how this will effect his growth. It's hard knowing your son has DiGeorge syndrome, but it's still a huge and wide spectrum of possible problems in the future. I think working and being so busy with two jobs helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed on trying to fix everything at once with him. I almost feel like he has some sort of ADHD, but he plays very well and focuses on everything - he plays with toys for long periods of time - but the not sleeping at night has to be something. This is not normal.
Things are really picking up at the Bullpen too! It's a great thing, but means more time away from my kids - at least until I am done working this maternity leave (7 more days). But is it weird that I enjoy working? I don't enjoy being away from my kids, but its easier to breathe knowing they are with their dad then a daycare. I love teaching and feeling needed and important. Sometimes I feel extreme guilt because I go from one job to the next, but I love it. I guess I think about the long run. We are working hard to build our business, build our athletes and make our business stronger - for our kids! At first I was trying to keep two days a week where I do not work at the Bullpen - now I am working all 7 days of the week!
I guess I can only look at one day at a time - like we have since the day Dougie was born and just get through as best we can. Good things are in our future. I can feel it. We are doing everything in our power to make sure of that. Our goals include getting a new job for the next school year, a new house and just live as the Bedinger's do...family, family, family.
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